Loving Your Spouse
An important key to encourage security in your children.
by Ray Rhodes, Jr.

PARENTGUIDE NEWS March 2007

In a world of wars and rumors of wars, the issue of security is at the forefront of our society. What about family security? No, the issue addressed here is not one of bolting the doors and securing your house (important issues as they may be), but about developing a sense of well-being or security in the heart of your child.

One of the key ingredients to building a sense of stability and security in the character of your child is simply to love your spouse. Children are strengthened when they know that Dad and Mom love one another. Children have a sense of well-being when they are aware of the commitment that their parents have for one another. Below are three ways to communicate your love for your spouse that will make your child feel stable.

Public Display of Affection

Many of us were warned in school to avoid PDA. Perhaps, you have been embarrassed or even shocked to see people who have no sort of control when it comes to showing physical intimacy in public. That being said, we should be careful not to jettison appropriate expressions of affection. Children need to see their Mom and Dad hugging, kissing and snuggling up on the sofa. In our home, when I hug my wife, I often find that it’s not long before one or more of our children have entered the area, and what began as a hug for my wife turns into a group hug.

Expressive Verbal Communication

We should not expect that our spouses will simply know that we love them through our deeds of love. They need to hear our “EVC,” our expressive verbal communication. We need to think of expressive words to tell our spouses that we love them.

Similarly, our children need to hear Dad and Mom sharing their undying love for one another. “I love you.” “You look lovely today.” “You smell so nice.” “I really like your new hairstyle.” “You seem to be more beautiful to me everyday.” Those are just some of the phrases that communicate love. This, of course, is not an encouragement to use words for the purpose of manipulation, but to share loving words from your heart to your spouse. Your children will recognize that because Mom and Dad are communicating with loving expressions, family stability is strong.

Thoughtful Gifts of Love

It does not require a special day to give your spouse special attention. In fact, though it is essential to remember the special days of the year, it may be even more important to surprise your spouse with special treatment on days when he/she least expects it. Has your spouse been thinking about a particular item to purchase? If it’s affordable, then you could buy it and surprise him/her. This is a way of telling your spouse that you care about his/her desires. This kind of thoughtfulness teaches your children to be thoughtful as well.

Children feel secure when their parents truly demonstrate love to one another. Love is demonstrated in a thousand different ways— both verbally and physically. But it is not only children who benefit. The husband and wife also benefit as they shower one another with affection. The home becomes a place where love is welcomed and cultivated. It is therefore an inviting— and secure— place, a refuge in a world of many troubles.

Ray Rhodes, Jr., is president of Nourished in the Word, where he is a conference speaker and freelance writer. To schedule Rhodes to speak for your next family event, please call him at (678)697-4495.